Random Rants - Vol. 1

Alright, so i'm sitting here at approximatley 12:35 a.m, Friday night. HOLY CRAP! Conan's on!

*Goes to see if it's any good*

Eh, it was just a repeat.

Anyways, being bored out of my mind like I am, I thought now was a good a time as any to just fire off some random stuff, hopefully, for the entertainment of everyone, including me.

Alright, so i've ranted on public transportation before, but apparently the fine folks who take the bus didn't read my brilliant post. WHAT THE HELL IS WITH THE PEOPLE WHO TAKE THE BUS IN THIS CITY? Last time I told you guys about my experience with two obnoxiously irritaing girls on the bus. Here's a quick recap:

"OMG, Lauren, your pants ARE BLUE!!!"
"No they are not Becky! THEY ARE SOOOOO BLACK!"
"HAHA, YOU ARE CRAZY LAUREN! Look... that's blue! Hey, mister... are her pants BLUE!?"
"Um, yeah..."
"HAHA.. SEE! I TOLD YOU!"
"OMG, THEY ARE ALL LOOKING AT US! They think we're crazy!!! HAHAHAHA!"

... For the love of God, I do not know how I made it through that ride without punching someone. Really.

Well, one time shouldn't sour my thoughts on the bus forever, should it? Quite simply: YES.

Me and Randy took the bus down to the mall, and everything was going fine, until suddenly... I can't beleive i'm typing this but...

A man, who looked to be in his late 50's, early 60's, came on the bus, SINGING AND CLAPPING.

SINGING... AND CLAPPING.

Simply stunning.

This man clearly had some sort of mental problem, but boy, that doesn't stop Toothless Pete from taking the bus, does it?

So he comes on the bus, and continues to sing EXTREMLEY LOUD so that everyone can here am. The thing is... THE SONG WASN'T EVEN REALLY A SONG. He just simply sang about whatever came to his head. I swear, if I had like kicked him in the stomach this guy would have been like "Ooooowww.. myyyy stomach, it hurts! Oh yeah.. la la la la la... that guy kicked me good. Doo doo doo dah dah dah... kicking me, LA LA LA".

Here are some classic one-liners we got from this man:

"Ooooooh... i'm taking the bus, and we're on the road, but i'm not carrying a load!"
"You see that sign, it says 'Don't walk in front of the bus', but I don't have a motor!"
"Pull the string, pull the lever, gotta stop the bus!"

Of course, as any normal human being would, I spent the rest of the bus ride looking out the window, biting my lip trying not to laugh. I mean, I know it's not the man's fault that he has some mental problem, but how in the heck do these people always manage to find the bus I'M taking, on that same day. I swear, I could go on a trip to Cuba and somehow, if i'm taking a bus, the blueblack pants twins and toothless Pete would all show up too.

Alright, moving along...

Why can't a round of golf be normal for me? Seriously?

OK, flashback a year. Me, Randy, Shawn and my dad are all playing golf. We come to the hole that runs along the road. Randy tees off and...

*SMACK*

Yup, he hit a car. Did the guy notice? Hm, I dunno... oh look, a man is walking up the fairway now. I wonder if that's him.

"Hey, what the hell you doing hitting my car with a ball *directed at Shawn, who didn't even hit the ball*"
"I didn't hit your car, sir"
"Oh, don't give me that crap, I saw ya lining up"
Randy: I hit a car, yes
"Oh, so it was you... what the hell is your problem."
My dad: Well, he didn't MEAN to, sir
"I don't care if he meant to... God, you're lucky it wasn't my son's Mustang, or he woulda shoved those clubs right up your..."

Yeah, we don't need to continue that story. But really, would that happen to anyone BESIDES us at golf? Oh, I highly doubt it. I mean, this past week, I went out with Shawn and my dad, and Shawn drove a golf ball, into almost NEGATIVE yardage. How is this possible? I mean, this is how it went...

Shawn swings.
"What.... the hell.... was that"

Of course me and my drop killed ourselves laughing, but really, it's my curse... I always must bring the most craziest happenings to wherever I am at. In this same round? A MAN IN HEADPHONES WAS WALKING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FAIRWAY WHEN WE WERE TEEING OFF. What is this guy's problem? Did he spot a quarter from fifty feet out and say "Duuuuh... WOOOOW! A shiny quarter! Duuuuuuuuh... I must get it at once!" Or perhaps he saw a hoola-hoop, and by golly, you can't leave a hoola-hoop just sitting there, right? Of course not! You've gotta run out and go DIRECTLY IN THE PATH OF A GOLF BALL.

Man, I love life.