The Victor Neumann Invitational

Well, this weekend was the Victor Neumann Invitational Golf Classic ... and yes only The Triad took part in the tournament. But sense it was Victor Neumann's tournament, he decided to fly in for the weekend and take part in all the festivities.

So Friday night we headed to the Buffalo Airport to pick up Mr. Neumann. Clearly he was not impressed when he saw he would be going to his tournament riding a banana seat bike. But those are the breaks. By the time we got to Niagara Falls he needed a break so we decided to have a break at a local bar. We headed inside to check the happenings and grab a quick drink, and when we headed back outside we saw Mr. Neumann talking to 'ladies of the night' who were interested in making a name for themselves on Victor. Well we got him out of that trouble and back on the banana seat bike and headed back for the creek. On the way home Mr. Neumann was interested in some of the colourful people around the hood, so we gave him the low down. I mean there IS 'The Neighbourhood Golf Ball Dealer' and The Local Wendys .. err i mean ... Japanese Slave Factory. So Mr. Neumann was slightly interested.

So Saturday morning Mr. Neumann was up bright and early, he REALLY wanted to see the slave factory. He got himself all dressed, and then used his TRAVELLING MICRO-TRIMMER to get rid of his excess facial and nose hair. Then it was off to the slave factory. When we first walked in, the smell of sweat was unbearable, and to see the poor souls working their asses off was .. well sad .. but Mr. Neumann couldn't get enough of it, even going as far as ordering 93 SERVINGS OF FRIES! Of course, he got the meal that came with the fries, and since there was a meat delay on the grill it took like 4 hours to get the damn food. But finally we got the damn food, and being the generous man that he is, Mr. Neumann donated the food to local loser Derek Bunker. But Mr. Neumann wasn't finished, did you know that he has a gambling problem!? Well since we dont have any casino's around here, and we wern't gunna peddle back to Niagara Falls on banana seat bikes we decided to gather up the locals for the "Neighbourhood Series of Poker." Of course McCormick was at the table, seeing as how he is the poker king down here. There was also Robyn Williams, The chinese guy from Video 99, the owner of Avondale, Mr. Milovanov, and Hale Irwin. In the end, Poker King McCormick prevailed and bought out the pizza store beside Avondale. He's currently working out a deal to buy Video 99 aswell. And that was pretty much Saturday, as after Poker local loser Derek Bunker returned to get Mr. Neumanns autograph because he was too stupid to get it earlier.

And then Sunday rolled around, Mr. Neumann sang 'Take Me Out To The Ball Game' for some odd, odd reason, and the tournament was under way. Throughout the day Mr. Neumann kept making cat noises and looking at the sky, but no one could understand what the hell he was doing. In the end McCormick took the win with a 48, Scarrow had a 49, and I shot a 50 in a really close tournament. Mr. Neumann was upset that he never got to see the neighbourhood golf ball dealer .. but then SECONDS LATER, we looked into the forest, and THERE HE WAS, looking for lost golf balls to sell to children when he helps them cross the street in the morning. Of course Mr. Neumann had to buy a souveneir to take home with him. Then, Mr. Neumann got into a helicopter that was piloted by ALF and went back to where ever the hell he was from.

And that was the weekend .. pure awesomeness

***NOTE: SOME OF THE THINGS IN THIS STORY MAY BE EXAGGERATED***